I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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