As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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