i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
