lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
