I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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