if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
