Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
