TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize