dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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