remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
