I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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