Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do vagina's smell?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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