meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
