I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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