Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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