we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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