I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm just crazy horny about you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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