I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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