At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
