We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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