What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
