I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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