dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
