I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
