You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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