please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
