I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
