Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
