I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
