So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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