i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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