Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
