Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
