The maid of honor just puked.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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