I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
