I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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