Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
