just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
