I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
