I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
