I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
