I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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