CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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