So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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