I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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