That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
