dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
