SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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