I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
