What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
