omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
