hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
