so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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