the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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