He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
