we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
