2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
