So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
