D3 body, D1 cock
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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