Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
