I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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