dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
