So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize