I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
