He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
