And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
