My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he fucked my hip out of place.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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