How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
